trendymatt's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Partly cloudy, visibility improving Tonight I was kidnapped to join Will, Shelley, and Anna (screw this 'cute nicknames for everyone' thing... too much effort) for a way-too-expensive Italian dinner. It was really interesting, at one point I looked up from my glass of wine and suddenly had a feeling as if we were all sitting in that exact same spot ten years from now. And I had a vision of us all in our early thirties, still very much the same people we are today, but I guess... is refined the word I'm looking for? And I had a great sense of peace about me for the remainder of the meal. I can't quite describe it, but it was as if I could somehow see myself and my friends in the not too distant future and I really liked what I saw. All this was compounded by something that came out in conversation with my friend Russell last night, when I was talking about the whole family drama. When I was talking about my problems dealing with both Mom's stress and my own, he simply said "You're a man now, your own person. You are only responsible for yourself." And hell, I think he's right. Since Saturday, I haven't seen the same person in the mirror. I see somebody who is on the verge of a completely different sense of reality. Somebody who isn't nearly as idealistic as he used to be, but still isn't completely cynical or bitter. Somebody who isn't afraid for people to see what he actually feels inside. Somebody who sees more clearly. Clarity. That's what I'm starting to feel. And I fully realize that this will probably be an emotion just as fleeting as everything else that has raced through my body in the past few days, but damnit, I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts. Things don't look so bleak when there's less clouding your vision. 11:34 pm - 08.13.03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||