trendymatt's Diaryland Diary


Probing the depths of my... mind.

I've been Diary Interviewed by D-Land up-and-comer ITalkToWalls. This oughta be good for a laugh. Follow these instructions if you would like me to interview you. Note: I'm a massive procrastinator these days, so don't be offended if it takes me hours, days, or weeks to get back to you. Really.

1. Leave me a note saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I pick the questions.
3. You post the answers to the questions (and the questions themselves) in your journal.
4. You include this explanation and offer in your post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Here are my questions and answers:

1. Bert and Ernie: Television's first gay couple or nothing more than two bachelors living together for the past 36 years? Have your own theory?

Theoretically speaking, how could two bachelors living together for that many years not end up being a gay couple? Don't you think that somewhere around year five or six, at least one of them starts having thoughts like "hey, he's got a nice ass" or "a hole's a hole, right?" Add in a few months of sexual tension, a night when one of them just happens to accidentally slip a pornographic video in the VCR, and a case of cold ones and they're well on the road to picking out draperies together. Thus, my theory: yes, they were definitely TV's first gay couple. Ernie was the top.

As a side note, when I was a child, my parents had my room decorated entirely in a Sesame Street theme. Above my bed was a framed 3-foot by 5-foot print of Bert and Ernie. Years later, I told Mom that was the real reason I turned out queer. I think she almost believed me.

2. If you came up with the name for a sexual act, like the dirty sanchez or a screaming dolphin (yes, you read that correctly), what would it be? No need to describe the actual act.

Without a doubt, it would be named "The Scrumtrulescent Monkey Tumble."

3. What is the one song you'd want playing as you passed away?

Anything by Celine Dion, just to ensure that I would lose all will to live and thus would hopefully have a quicker death.

4. Let us pretend that you had a Get Out of Jail Free card. What crime would you commit knowing you'd get off scot-free?

I'd rent the biggest S.U.V. I could find and slam into every car I could find with one of those damned magnetic patriotic ribbon things stuck on the back.

5. Have you ever passed gas while in the company of others and then acted as if nothing happened? Or are you much more devious and have blamed it on someone else?

CONSTANTLY. I'm a very gassy boy. On average I probably let one rip at least every hour, often loudly. If the occasion presents itself, I will blame a Silent But Deadly on the cat, but more often than not the reverberations from my lower intestine frighten away even the most savage of creatures.

12:56 pm - 05.13.05


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