trendymatt's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi, my name is Candi. Have you considered using concealer? The weekend was a bit too eventful for my taste. I headed home to visit the Maternal Unit and ended up seeing the Male DNA Contributor for the first time since the big break-up in August. In the last few months, he has dropped a shitload of weight (probably yet another of his diet pill addiction spells), gained a fake-n-bake tan, grown a horrid goatee, and has a live-in white trash girlfriend. Apparently, she has a child that she was either denied custody of in a divorce or was placed in foster care - the details are vague. I can only imagine her name is one that would traditionally end in "y" but ends in "i." Plus, in the five minutes or so Dad talked to me, he insisted on referring to me as "dude." That man is strange. Please, dear God, I hope I don't go insane when I turn fifty. If I do, at least let me keep my fashion sense. Nobody should be wearing denim oxford shirts anymore. On the other hand, I accompanied my hetero lifemate to a Mary Kay party tonight. Now, that was a surreal experience. Those people really loves them some makeup, let me tell you. Over the course of the party, we listened to about a five minute long inspirational talk followed by about an hour of demonstrating various skincare products. As a result, my hands are now baby soft. I was told twice by two different people that I should consider becoming a Mary Kay consultant. Admittedly, the lure of thousands of dollars of spare cash, my very own Cadillac, and all the moisturizer my heart desires is very tempting. The only thing that worries me about the whole operation is the decidedly Stepford-esque vibe I got from everyone there who was involved with the company. The main presenter was so EXCITED about everything she said. I could never manage to be that goddamn enthusiastic about anything for an hour at a time. And the fact that every other word was EMPHASIZED just screamed of mind controlling propaganda... "I'm just so EXCITED that you all could come out tonight! Just a year ago, I was working in an OFFICE and was not APPRECIATED for my work. Can you IMAGINE??? But then a friend invited me to a MARY KAY party and my life changed OVER NIGHT! OH MY GOODNESS! I'M JUST SO EXCITED! I CAN'T HELP BUT TALK IN ITALIC UPPERCASE! I JUST CAN'T STOP!!! OH DEAR GOD, THE EXCLAMATION POINTS HAVE TAKEN OVER!!! HELP!!! THE MOISTURIZER HAS GONE TO MY BRAIN! OH, THE HUMANITY OF IT ALL!! I'M TOO EXCITED!!!" ...and, scene. Don't get me wrong. It was a fun evening and my hands have never felt so soft. But, if that woman used the word "awesome" or "excited" one more time, I would have had no choice but to punch her in the throat. There is no excuse for that much enthusiasm. Ever. Now, give me another few months of paying off credit card debt and I might change my tune. I mean, middle-aged women always think I'm absolutely precious. I could easily use my disarming charm to sell concealer and soothing eye mask. I'm secure enough in my masculinity to drive a pink Cadillac. 11:14 pm - 11.02.03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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