trendymatt's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pity party, table for one. I must stop going online looking for dates. Seriously, this is the pattern that is played out every time I log on to the evil gay.com: I log on, go to the Kentucky room and find that it's mostly full of 40 year-old rednecks who don't like writing in complete sentences and guys with the term "boi" in their profile name. Sometimes I will look for someone who at least has a profile filled out that looks like it might be someone compatible with what I'm looking for. Otherwise, I leave the chat box in the background and go about my business until an IM box pops up. This is usually someone close to my age, and they seem pretty cool. We chat for about fifteen minutes, then exchange email addresses to send pictures of each other. Pictures are sent and received. And this is the point that the other guy either stops replying or leaves the room altogether. No matter how many times I reassure myself that I'm a perfectly acceptible looking guy, that still hurts. This is what totally sucks when you feel lonely. My only options to actively seek somebody here are to either go to the bar or go online. The bar? Yeah, I'm not so much into spending a night drinking way too many overpriced drinks while watching loud, screeching "bois" dance around in belly shirts, being ogled by scary older guys wearing way too much aftershave. And online? See above. So, my message to the Lexington gay population as a whole is: eat me. I don't fall neatly into any of the myriad categories you seem to crave putting yourselves in. I am not a twink/boi/cub/bear/top/bottom... whatever. I think I'm much more complex than that. I am open to any who ask about my sexuality, but I am not wholly defined by who I prefer to invite to bed. And yes, I have standards. But my standards fall more into the realm of a person's inherent traits, not completely bound by physical appearance. I won't lie, I can be completely impressed with a good body and a pretty face. But if the person behind the facade is worth knowing, that is much more important to me. What I'm trying to say in this rambling entry, I have no idea. I guess that just for once, I would like to have my preconceived notions about homosexual society be proven wrong. Above all, I just want someone to hold on to, who wants to hold on to me. Is that so bad? 2:09 am - 08.18.03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||