trendymatt's Diaryland Diary

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More quotes than the stock exchange.

A few memorable quotes that have fallen from my lips the last few weeks:

• "Oh, that's the place across from Wedgwood... wait a minute... I mean Waterford."
  Eh, I knew the neighborhood was named after something couples can register for at Macy's. This one qualifies as officially the gayest thing I have ever said.

• "He's tofu to me."
  My only real impression upon meeting Cole's debilitatingly bland Internet acquaintance.

• "I can't wait to meet her brother, Suave."
  My reaction upon reading a survey participant's name that was pronounced Aqua-Net-uh.

• "Drinking something pink that does not have at least 30 percent alcohol by volume is against everything I stand for."
  My reaction to Mom's insistence that I try some of her $4 a bottle white zinfandel, while defending my reasoning considering I had just been talking about craving a Cosmopolitan.

• "We do not enter any business displaying neon signs advertising 'Cheap Smokes' or 'Live Bait.' Understood?"
  One of my many rules for patronizing roadside convenience stores in West Virginia.

• "Fuck YES, I can sing Randy Travis!"
  The only way to properly accept a challenge at the lesbian bar on Karaoke Monday.

• "Do you think they ever use the orange aprons outside of work... like in bed?"
  Yes, I have a MAJOR thing for the Home Depot boys. That one goes out to The Kate, because I'm still all about wood measurement.

• "Alright, but if a Crip busts a cap in my ass, I'm holding you responsible for tippin' the forty at my funeral."
  Doing my best to convey to my boss the gravity of the situation when I was left alone in the middle of South Side Chicago with about $30,000 in computer equipment, $1,500 in cash, and a car with the state seal of Kentucky plastered to the side for the better part of a day.

  And, strangely enough, that just about tells the entire story of the last three weeks of my life. Go figure.

  2:59 pm - 06.09.04
  

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