trendymatt's Diaryland Diary

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You're screwed up. That'll be $50, please.

Three days later, and not too much to report.

I am still very angry at my father. Not only did he leave Mom in one of the cruellest ways possible, but he has made no attempt to contact me. He has, however, called Mom begging that she ask me to call him. And his excuse? Not because he's afraid of what I have to say or even that he feels any remorse for what he's done - apparently it's too expensive to make long distance phone calls from his motel room. I'm not quite sure what to say to that.

And a little bit of me is resentful of Mom as well. She has relied on me for as long as I can remember to be her source of therapy. Now, I'm finally in a spot where I legitimately need her and the best thing she can manage to tell me is, "I don't see why you're so upset. This is not your pain to go through." Fucking hell. My parents are breaking up. Of course this is going to affect me. I can't possibly take the energy necessary to be her therapist right now and still keep myself sane.

Eh.

I made an appointment this morning to finally see a therapist, because all of this is simply too big for me to deal without some kind of impartial professional guidance. Unfortunately, my HMO only covers fifty percent of fees for what they deem "non-urgent, voluntary" therapy. Thus, I will be expected to shell out $75 for my initial visit and $50 for each visit after that. Because it's totally worth maxing out my credit cards for the sake of sanity, right?

I have left a message with the university's employee assistance office to get information about their counseling program, which charges fees on a sliding scale based on income. I hope they can get me an appointment set up before I'm supposed to see the guy at the psychiatric department. It would be nice to get the counseling I need and not fall deeper into hysteria over mounting credit card debt.

It's amazing that we live in a society that is increasingly accepting of counseling treatment, but once you finally come to accept that you need it, you find that only people with money can afford mental health.

Get me to Canada, fast. I really need the health insurance.

1:12 pm - 08.12.03

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