trendymatt's Diaryland Diary

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Honestly, I don't really like the Lilith Fair.

So, again I find myself single. And even though I'm the one who initiated this breakup, I don't have any sort of feeling of satisfaction over how things went down. I guess this time, it was one of those odd situations where I was dating a really good guy who lavished me with all the attention I could ever want, yet the undefinable "it" wasn't there.

This one turned all conventions I had about the kind of relationship I'm looking for upside down. I've whined forever about wanting someone I can spend most of my time with, who has conversational skills, and is a "take him home to mom" kind of guy. I finally found that, and it wasn't enough. Maybe I really do want something more casual at this point in my life; having a guy I can have fun with, go out with once in a while and still have my "me" time.

I think the biggest problem I had this time around was relating to the guy on an intellectual level. I've always considered myself a smart guy, but around the most recent ex and his friends I constantly felt like an idiot. Whenever we would have a conversation about music, for example, it would always have to relate to how a particular artist either promoted or hindered the plight of feminism, or something like that. My brain just doesn't operate like that. Anything I enjoy for entertainment value I do just for that reason, not because of the political or societal intentions of the artist. I feel sorry for somebody who can't just tune out and watch a TV show without hypothesizing ad nauseum about how to intellectualize it.

Also, I just can't watch a foreign film with subtitles unless there is gratuitous male nudity. And even then I'll just fast-forward to the good scenes. If that makes me a moron, hand over my Special Ed helmet. I'll be waiting in the short bus.

But I'm just talking out of my ass here. I guess I'm just freaking out that I'm at an age where more and more people I know are settling down and I'm having a hell of a time finding somebody who doesn't get on my nerves after a couple of months.

I'm gonna be single for a while again. Two failed relationships in eight months is about all I can handle, thank you.

Oh, and I realized today that I am now officially too old to audition for The Real World. I'm off to pour another glass of wine now...

2:07 am - 09.05.04

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