trendymatt's Diaryland
Diary
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\"It's actually a picture of my LEFT BOOB.\"
Just a little word of warning - maybe it isn't the best idea to start introducing your mother to your friends three weeks after you proclaim your homosexuality to her. I schlepped The Best Buddy to the homeland for lunch and festive conversation over the weekend. Not only did we have an incredibly fattening meal at Jerry's, but I ended up being red-faced the entire time. Among the various personal embarassments were... - Lyss explaining to Mumsie that she bought me gay porn en espanol for my birthday last year (as a response to Mom's inquiry of what I would like for my birthday this year).
- Mom informing me that Dad liked to buy her gay porn, which did something to explain why I found some very *ahem* interesting videos in the entertainment cabinet while visiting a few months back. I'm still not entirely sure my dad is completely batting for the hetero team, however. Mom did offer to let me have the whole collection, which I respectfully declined. I refuse to be in posession of my parents' gay porn.
- Mom telling me that a trippy painting of mushrooms I have in my kitchen that Dad painted when he was 19 (circa 1970) was actually an oblique reference to her nubile-at-the-time breasts. Funny, I always thought mushrooms were more phallic than anything. See above.
- Lyss tricking me (tricking, I tell you) into telling Mom that she and I go to the porn store on an almost monthly basis.
- Mom informing us that her latest internet boyfriend isn't as serious as the next. Apparently, the next guy to visit is a total booty call, and will be flying in from Washington. Yes, my mother the ho.
- The three of us went to the new Wal-Mart, partly because that's all there is to do in the town on a Saturday, and partly because Mom wanted to buy a webcam. She's now online and chatting. Scary.
I feel closer to my mom in ways that seem completely wrong now. But at least I know I have access to porn when I visit. There's some comfort in that, I think. In other news, I get to go to traffic school tonight. For four hours, I will do my time for the speeding ticket I got back in May. We have such an expeditious legal system in Kentucky.
2:46 pm - 10.06.03
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