trendymatt's Diaryland Diary

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Ex-squeeze me? Baking powder?

So, what happened during my little twenty-day diary hiatus? A whole lot of not much, truthfully. There were two pretty big highlights, though:

1. Alyssa and I found an apartment, and thus our Will and Grace dreams can finally be realized! For a mere pittance, we will live on the good side of town with two bedrooms; two full baths (attached to each bedroom, nonetheless); a host of built-in appliances including a microwave, dishwasher, and our very own washer and dryer; vaulted ceilings; a fireplace; skylights; and a sunroom. Oh, the luxury! I haven't notified Lyss of this yet, but we will be registering at Pier One and Target for housewarming gifts.

Do you think I'm joking about that?

2. My girl and I, in our already eerily similar lives, have the incredible coincidence that both of our fathers are getting married this summer (no, not to each other, but at this point would you be surprised?).

Let me run down the details of my father's wedding to his fianc� who happens to be thirty years his junior:

• I have been asked to be the best man, which I am considering accepting just to back out at the last minute. It's a little game I like to play, and it's perfectly healthy.
  
• All male attendants will be expected to wear kilts, because Dad is (insert sarcasm here) so fucking Scottish. The man has purely eastern European blood running through his veins, yet he enjoys walking around like he's William Fucking Wallace on the weekends. And yes, if I end up going through with it, I will wear the kilt properly and will let the junk hang free as the good lord intended men to do when they wear glorified skirts.
  
• The ceremony will be in the middle of August, which usually has average temperatures around 90 degrees in Kentucky. Even this didn't deter them from deciding to hold the ceremony outdoors, about a mile downwind of the county landfill.
  
• Most of the guests will be Dad's Revolutionary War re-enacting buddies, dressed in full re-enacting garb, carrying their prized rifles.
  
• Now, here's the BEST part... are you ready? Officiating the ceremony won't be a priest, a minister, or even a rabbi. They have arranged for a Wiccan priestess to do the honors. A Wiccan priestess??? Huh???

This wedding sounds like the lead-in to a really good joke. That's all I have to say about that.

10:55 am - 04.09.04

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