trendymatt's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No one wants to be alone at Christmas time.

I just want to know what the hell is wrong with me these days. I am unmotivated. I am cranky. I generally don't want to be around people. I want to do nothing more than go home after work, put on my big hooded sweatshirt, and eat peanut butter fudge while watching the depressing news.

I think the fact that this year's Christmas is going to suck a big fat one has finally dawned on me. I used to find comfort in the fact that I could go home over the holidays and Mom and Dad would at least pretend to be a functional family. I was more than happy to play along as long as they were willing. Now, I get to have two Christmas visits - the depressing one with Mom while she sits pining away for her Internet boyfriend in Mississippi, and the ridiculous one where I visit Dad and his girlfriend and they carry on like horny teenagers.

I doubt that I'll even have a proper Christmas dinner this year. Mom will probably just take me out to the J-Boy for their turkey dinner special, then she'll log on to the computer for the rest of the night after we come home. At Dad's, he'll probably order pizza while I feign interest in a game of Clue.

Yes, I'm whiny and complaining. I'm perfectly comfortable with that.

I find myself more cynical than I ever have been before. I see families out Christmas shopping and I can only imagine what demons are hiding behind their perfectly tailored Banana Republic facade. The festive decorations in the stores are no more than calculated marketing ploys. The lighthearted holiday music is simply there to brainwash us into believing that December is more than just a month of unforgiving cold weather.

I guess it's just that, as much as I always complained about my family in the past, not having a family to go home to depresses me more than anything could. I want everything back the way it was. I want it to be fixed. I want to be blind to my family's dysfunctionalities again.

2:59 pm - 12.15.03

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

random entry

other diaries:

lyssbobiss
intheory27
evolver
epiphany
hulabelly
ohio21boy
lvrebelman
weetabix
wicked-sezzy
thegay
blonde32810
daizymaizy
critterwil
schoonie